Beautiful, yet empty

Many times we find ourselves in a relationship that somehow is exactly the opposite of what we had expected. It is at the point of this realization that we may find our emotions at their highest; anger, jealousy, mistrust, sadness, etc.

When I was a little girl, I went with my Mother and Father to a local department store. The store was decorated for the upcoming Holiday season, and being a child I was amazed. The lights, the reindeer, the glitter; but my eyes were fixed, my heart swelled and my mind was overcome with wonder as I saw the presents under the large pine. So many presents, more than I had ever seen. What a wonderful sight! The colors, the sizes, the ribbons, all of these wonders overwhelmed my young eyes. I can remember my Father telling me the beautiful boxes were just a display, they weren't for anyone in particular. It was just to look at.... Those words stuck with me throughout the day.

When I arrived home, I told my older sister about the display. Being the oldest and so much wiser, she grandly explained that display meant they were empty boxes, wrapped up all pretty, and put under the store's tree. To this day, I can remember the feeling of disappointment that entered my heart and mind after finding out this hard truth. In my child's mind, I had built a reality where somewhere, a little boy or girl was going to have those sparkling presents on Christmas morning. They would wake up to a mound of gifts so bright and large that the star on top their tree would be hidden. That child would open one after the other to find all the treasures they had ever dreamed of possessing. In my child's mind, if that could happen, well, I just might be that child! To find that the gift was empty, well, it crushed not only my dream, but my feelings as well... I was sad, angry, and I now mistrusted what I had seen with my very own eyes. I felt stupid and I felt as empty as those boxes.

As a child I saw a bright and shiny, beautifully wrapped present. It was good. I immediately wanted it. Not even having a clue as to what it was, I drew my own dream of what it could be, I set my thinking to the fact that it must be a wonderous gift.... My reality turned an empty box into a shiny bicycle in the blink of an eye.

We do this now as adults, with our interpretations of relationships, thoughts, and actions. We meet a new person, we see a beautiful home, beautiful face, clothes, etc... We begin to believe the object is good, because the appearance is appealing to our eyes. We crave, or covet a relationship with this person or object, we begin to see what we need to see to keep to our dream, or belief of that person/object. At some point in the future, we see that the beauty we first saw has faded, the glitter or shine has dulled, and we can no longer hide the emptiness that is inherent to all things. We begin to see that this person/object is not living up to our dream. We begin to see their actions and their very being as a way to cause us pain. We cannot understand how they became this, how they changed so much. Yes, change has happened, glitter fades, but our pain originates in our perception. We percieved what we desired to see. And when our perception could no longer hold the dream, we suddenly are plunged into the reality of our relationship. Reality is change, in every moment. To say you or it has changed, is speaking of an obvious, a rule so to speak- All Things Change. By casting blame onto the object, rather than truly accepting the reality of the object, we set ourselves up for further suffering. We must accept what is, as it is, in this moment without expectation.

Today, try your best to appreciate all things as they truly are, do not wrap them in pretty paper and illusions. Do not allow yourself to impose what you believe "it" is as reality. Take a moment to truly look, examine, and discern the true nature, let go of your expectations.... Just for a moment, accept the "display" is beautiful, yet empty, allow it to be just as it is and love it for that alone.

Dirty Words.....

Sitting back, my mind wandered to a day more than 20 years past. I was sitting on a cement porch step, the sun was setting and my children were playing in the yard with their cousins. One by one they were taking turns on a slide and see saw. I was amazed at their kindness and respect for each other.

In the blink of an eye, I was thoroughly perplexed when my oldest became agitated with his cousin. All had been so peaceful, so almost perfect. When I suddenly heard the dreaded four letter word growled by my oldest and repeated by the pack... Hate. I thought of what I had heard other parents say to their children when they cursed or used inappropriate words. Surely, there had to be a better way than, "If you say that word again, I'm going to wash your mouth out with soap!" I wanted my children to choose a better way because they understood, not because they were following blindly out of fear.

At that moment I stood, slowly walked over to a hushed and expectant group. I began explaining to toddlers and preschoolers why that word was not to be used. Well, the cousins ran off to their parents, and my daughter fell quickly to sleep on my lap. This lesson apparently was just for me and my boy.

My son and I sat beside each other on that cement step as the stars began to twinkle. I was mulling how to explain to such a little one why some words just shouldn't be used. I can only guess that he was thinking, but it may have been "the more time that went by, the less likely he was going to be in trouble for hurting his cousin..."

I finally settled on the simplest answer I could give. This is what I told him.

"Some words, like Hate, are dirty. They make our mouths unclean and then little boys can't give kisses to their Momma's. So, you see son, we need to be careful what words we use. A word like Hate, well, its the same as the curse words. They make our kisses dirty and are hearts hurt."

It was enough for my pre-schooler. He swiped a few times at his lips with the back of his little hand; even going so far as to brushing his teeth. Then with big eyes, he looked up at me and said, "Momma, my mouth's clean now, can I have a kiss?"

I raised my children with this truth. We started out slow, with words like hurt and dirty. We progressed as they grew to more defining words such as negative, judgmental, and cruel. But the basic example of that night still held true. Our words can and do impact our love. They can create and magnify love, or they can rip away and cause untold suffering and pain.

Our words can hurt others and our selves so terribly. They can leave scars and sickness inside so deep that we forget they are there. The act of speaking words of hurt, does not only pain the one we speak to, but creates the same scarring inside ourselves. We act out those pains, scars and hurts by hurting others before they hurt us, we carry the weight of those words and our relationships reflect our pain.

I taught my children that a small word of praise, encouragement or simple kindness can do just as much wondrous good for everyone. It simply HEALS. Simply being kind was the religion my children were raised in. And it simply is what brings love light and laughter to our days.

So, today, if you find words of anger or judgement flowing forward, wipe the back of your hand across your lips and choose to smile instead.....

Change....

Today, step away from yourself and look for your unconscious habits.

Find them one by one and release them by undoing.

It may be as simple as hitting the snooze button two or three or four times...

It may be as complicated starting your day with a mental inventory of what you must do just to stay above the wave one more day...

Whatever you find, un-do it.

Start your day on the first buzzzzz.

Start everyday with an inventory of your blessings.

Do it different today....

Trying to change is often a hard won accomplishment. No matter what we are attempting to recreate, it is often a task that either feels as if we must move a mountain, or give up what we have grown so fond of... The key to beginning, is to begin small.

In my past I often dreamed or longed for a life that wasn't burdened with material, health or relationship struggles. I often thought, "I would give anything just to be healthy, happy, and living in peace". One moment, l I found myself making one small change. I choose to not rush, not hurry, not to feel pressured to be somewhere or do something other than what was happening in that moment. I choose to focus my attention on the moment at hand, to make the most of it, be at my best, and to take the time I needed to be in that moment for as long as I needed to accomplish my task.

This relatively simple choice became complicated very quickly. Others expectations, random events, on and on small and large boulders appeared on my path. I found the key to maintaining this change, was to not become entangled in the outside my control obstacles. I simply was in the moment, and all else would need to fall into line.

This change didn't create a me that did not recognize or respect others "timetables" but it did help create a perspective where a traffic jam wasn't the end of the world, where I was able to finish a project and feel accomplished, where I took the moments to listen to my child and to truly interact... It created a new perspective for me, where I can now see that the most important "do-ings" are the "be-ings" of my moments...

It may start as simply as a new way to get to work, smiling at the receptionist, eating lunch not at your desk but in the park, walking home from the daycare and talking, turning off the TV and picking up a pen, just getting through or really getting involved.....

One small conscious choice can change everything.....

I love to garden....

I have well worn patches here and there on my palms; some from raking, some from weeding, some from tilling. One in particular every so often blisters up from a long day of playing in the herbs and flowers. One moment a callous is there, the next a raised and sore blister.....

If we were suddenly able to learn and do what we must here on this creative, chaotic, lovely physical plane without the pain or without the sweat, I imagine we wouldn't learn a thing. That callous I grew, it serves a dear role in allowing me to enjoy my labors. It took many moons of repetition, many days of achy sore muscles, many moments of love to create. And every once in a while, I need the reminder- a small lil blister, just to let me know I am still creating, and I best make a habit of it, or I may just have to start fresh....

And well sometimes, I find a new blister and not a reason under the sun for it....

As I sat yesterday morning on a wooden bench with the rain falling softly, I thanked God for giving me the strength to find my way to this quiet spot. With shaking hands, I carelessly lit a cigarette, inhaled deeply and felt my body shake as I exhaled more than smoke. I felt the weight of my heavy heart, the tension of unseen ropes taunt against my skin. As the smoke left my lungs, I felt the turmoil and chaos lift and float away in the misty morning, while sitting silently, thanking God...

The car pulled through the small lot, the driver looking expectantly about settled his dark eyes on my bench just as my cell announced my ride was waiting. I stood on shaky legs, thankful for the rain as it explained away my streaks of mascara and wet cheeks, and walked the short distance. I entered the car, head lowered, asking to go home.

Home is where I now sit, writing words to ease my aching heart. A little over 24 hours has brought so much change, yet so much remains fixed, as it was on that bench yesterday morn. The rain has moved past, the sky is clear and the sun has somehow made its way to midday heights. My eyes have dried, but the red remains. As my eyes burn from tears shed, and my throat tightens to the thoughts and memories both joyful and sad, I find the hope and solace in my faith. Dear friends and wonderful family have given me comfort, but my faith and knowing that in some moment I will find myself surrounded by my lovely, dear, silly, serious, and magical Sam-Bo-Weenie has brought me peace.

Sam was a joy to care for, a joy to love. He gave so much more to me than I ever gave to him. He had a hard journey getting to our home... but find us and change us he did. We will miss his wake up calls, his marking messes, his kisses, and his unwavering intent on protecting HIS family. He was a good dog, a good boy, and a beautiful soul. He is and will forever be, a bit of love wrapped up with serious care, and given to me for a bit of time...


The redness will fade, as will the sadness for my loss of my lil companion. I know this. In time the soreness will ease, the rawness will heal, and I will find one moment where the fuzzy-ness has disappeared... a bit of time, and my happiness for my friend will out shine my sadness for myself...

Run fast Sam, chase those squirrels...

without a care, eat as much and as often as you choose... and try to remember, if you get a chance, to throw a howl up once in a blue moon for your momma.....

See you in a bit, my dear sweet Sam....

Hope, Happiness, and Health

"The world is a looking glass and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face." William M. Thackeray



I am reflecting Hope, Happiness, and Health today....

What are you shining on the world in this very moment?

Be both.....

"Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world."

Today, I will strive to remember this...


Speaking the truth without kindness or love, can cause much hurt. We may even justify speaking such words, because we perceive them to be true. Speaking kind, loving words to someone who is in need, while well intentioned, if the words are untrue, we will only be compounding this person's suffering....

Be both. True and Kind...

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." ~Einstein

Experience is an excellent teacher...

We often hear that experience is an excellent teacher.... If this is so, then as students we must be actively engaged if we are to get the most out of our education.


I think of experience as a path of stones. The direction it travels is determined by what we each have chosen for ourselves through our choices in each and every moment. The experiences are stones that mark our journey. As we walk forward we place our foot onto the next stone unconsciously noticing that it feels, looks or somehow seems to be familiar. Our conscious self reacts to this new experience with the familiarity of a past experience.

This automated reaction is a basic survival skill. We were taught as children that fire burns, hurts... But as we grew our experiences showed us the dual nature of many of our experiences. Fire- yes it burns, but is also warms our bodies and lights our way. If we are walking our path unaware and we encounter stones of experience that remind us of pain and hurt, we may over react before we have even a moment to truly see what this new experience holds. We may just miss an opportunity.

Today, look for those moments when the stones you are crossing seem familiar, bring forward the experience and compare it to the present moment. Is your fear based on this moment or is it coming from a past experience? Is that past experience still your truth in this moment? Are the emotions you now feel of the here and now or are they simply shadows of the past blocking out the light in this moment?

When I was a child, I was attacked by a large dog, a Doberman. For many years afterward I would become engulfed in fear when encountering Dobermans. None were excluded, my fear was for all Dobermans; all shapes, sizes, and colors. Whether leashed, muzzled, or running free; I was scared. When told the dog was kind and loving, I would still be frightened to the point of shaking. The kindest of the dogs would see my fear, and they in turn would become weary and nervous. I now can imagine the dog would be thinking, "My goodness, what is going to happen!? Look at her she is so afraid! Something bad is going to happen!!!" And of course the dog would react to my reaction, causing just what I feared- uncontrollable, anxious, Dobermans. My reaction to the moment, based on a past experience, recreated that experience time and time again. Once I was able to detach from the fear of the past, I was finally able to move forward and enjoy a moment or two of genuine appreciation in the moment, even with a Doberman sitting beside me.

My story illustrates how many times we incorrectly place the emotional response on one aspect of our experience, and thus create an assumption about certain "ALL" will be this way. We also hold unwanted emotion on the experience, whether it be fear or anger. Of course in the story I should act with caution, but not fear. And I should be wary, but not just of Dobermans. I should be aware and ready to act when encountering a large dog, unleashed and displaying aggression. I need be on alert if I ever find myself in a similar circumstance. By placing the Doberman as my "monster" and letting fear direct my actions, I lost the value of the experience. I was unable to apply the true lesson.

We do this imprint reaction in many many ways.... How many of us have said, "My spouse, they know which buttons to push!" "My mother, Every time I talk to her, she ...!!" or "At my work everyday is the same thing! Day in day out! Those people will never change..."


Realizing that we are seeing our moments through the fog of "past experiences", WE can change our impressions of our current moments. Wipe the slate clean, let the old emotions and reactions fall away. Do not lose the past lesson- it was important. But do not let it color your present moment.

Fire burns, yes, but when we are aware or our actions, and give proper respect, a candle flame can light up a dark room.

I could be happy if......

There are countless ways that we say, "I could be happy if I just had ______." This is the place where our thoughts must change if we are to progress to a life of joy.


Whether striving to create the life we dream of, develop our spirituality or simply make our moments a little bit better; the first step is to look inward. We must change our thoughts before we attempt to change our experiences and relationships. Finding happiness with who, what, and where we are in this moment is the key that will unlock the door to living a joyful and fulfilling life.

It is not a matter of seeing where we are now, and where we want to be next week. It is a matter of seeing where we are NOW and being happy and joyful NOW. It is not a matter of changing someone or something else. It is a matter of changing our self. We shouldn't give up on our goals, but we shouldn't wait until we get there either.... We may feel we want a partner, a better job, more money, to be alone, to have less or more responsibility, to have children or to not have children, a bigger or better home... If we continue to carry our thoughts in this way, we will continue to wait for the next something to "make" us happy.

Step out from your perspective and see your experiences, your relationships, and your moments as if they were someone else's. Find the positive in each and every one. Even those that tax us, we should see the experience as a positive lesson. Appreciate what you have, even if it is someone else's couch to lay your head on at night. Change what you can, accept what you cannot change in this moment and appreciate all of it...

Once we consciously accept our situations for what they are, and appreciate that our decisions and choices have brought us to this place, we can then make peace with where we now find ourselves. In that process of finding ourselves thankful and joyful for where we are, who we are, and where we are going; we turn our lives from waiting to be happy later, to BEING happy NOW.

The key is to see the joy in this moment.

Making the most of it...

My thought upon waking this morning was "Today simply do your best to be positive". This sounds simple. Unfortunately being positive is neither simple or easy. For some of us being positive is hard work, for others we miss the mark, yet feel we are hitting home runs.

Being positive is not only about showing kindness, consideration and joy- it is also about seeing the silver lining on dark clouds. A person coming from a place of positive thought and action, is able to see in each moment the impermanence of every moment, every experience. While in the midst of what appears to be a trying or difficult experience, "being positive" allows us to move through, fully accept and claim even hard, sad, or hurtful moments.

Being positive means we acknowledge, appreciate, and accept each and every soul we encounter-including our self- AND we do look beyond the surface to see the gift of each and every moment we experience.

We may be feeling lost, abandoned, lonely, sad, angry, depressed, envious, jealous.... We may be struggling financially, emotionally, or physically. We may feel we are at our best, or at our worst. But the importance of seeing through, and past our current moment to the next is how we maintain a positive perspective.

By seeing and KNOWING that this moment is hard, that we are struggling... YET the next moment is guaranteed to be different... We can ACT in this moment to move towards a more joyful experience in the next. This concept also reminds us in moments of Joy, that we must appreciate and recognize our Joy by sharing it with others, the next moment depends on our thoughts and actions of THIS moment and how we share or interact with others....

So, today, find the positive. Look hard if you must. Gather those feelings of happiness and share them... Tomorrow it won't be quite so hard to find the good, share a smile or say I am Blessed....

~ Much Love and Many Blessings

Changing the world...

While every moment is filled with communication from Spirit, we are not always being given profound, life or perspective changing guidance. Many times, they are simple reminders, soft pushes to change direction, gentle lessons on how to be or serve...

Every once in a great while Source, our Guides or Spirit speaks directly to us, either through unquestionable direct communications, epiphany, or through example. Those times are the ones that we will find ourselves repeating to others, days, months, years down the path, we will find ourselves returning to that message, that lesson, that moment.

Those times are mile markers on our journey. They often lead us forward with a better sense of who we can become, how we can be the person we desire to be, why something as simple as a smile can change the moment of so many people... How an individual can change the world....

But....

We catch ourselves, we seem to stand out from the moment and be looking in. The lesson surely changes everything. Surely the world will be different, because Source has given me the greatest gift in understanding... Many of us walk a bit further, interact a bit more, and slowly let go of that message when we realize the world has not changed. We see the same joys and hurts, the same actions and inactions... We let go of that gift and continue forward. Until the next moment when we are given a second gift, a third a fourth... Sometimes, we are able to hold onto the message, sometimes we are able to apply it to our lives.... But on the average, we hold onto it, turn it up and around, perhaps journal it, perhaps share it with others, and then we let it go....

To truly see the world change, we must take that message, direction, guidance, experience and apply it to every moment of our journey. We must consume the message, make it a part of our physical self.

By becoming that message we truly share it... we change our world...

If not now, WHEN?

Today is a down time catch up day for me.... The horrid paperwork and bills day. The day always seems to slip away because I don't stick to my plan. Every week I say the same thing, this time I am going to get moving in the morn, get right at the clutter and finish this little task first thing. I never seem to stick to it though. I procrastinate, I feel like I have hours of work waiting and I keep finding distractions. I find things that just HAVE to be done now, keeping myself away from the one job I need to finish for the day. Eventually I will find the courage and stamina to sit down and go through the paperwork, sort and filing it all, pay the bills, and update what needs it on my website. I will finish within a few hours, smiling and finally feeling free, telling myself I have to get right to this next week, it wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. I will look at my day and realize I have wasted an entire day running from one thing to the next in an attempt to avoid something that wasn't what I had thought it would be.

Its a hard lesson to learn, but if I apply it to life, I surely will find myself in the right place, a heck of a lot sooner than later....

Today, think about the goal, the dream, the things in life you have been craving... Don't look at all the ways you can stop yourself from achieving that goal, don't listen to the lil' voice that says its too much work, don't invent reasons to say "not now I will when...".

Jump into the process, take that first step. You'll never know, unless you do....

Ripple Effect...

I spent a couple hours yesterday morning with my daughter watching the 2008 movie, "The Ripple Effect". The movie follows a fashion designer who struggles with life, and the karmic impact a 15 year old accident may be having on his current moments. I recommend watching this one when your mind and the house is quiet. It sent my thoughts tumbling. There were so many wonderful lessons in this movie. A day later, I would be hard pressed to remember them all- thus my never-ending mantra, Journal Please!!! I thought I would share what truly stuck with me.

As this man's life became difficult, he was looking back to an event 15 years ago as the possible cause of his current "bad luck". As the impact of his thoughts and actions unfolded, the movie seemed to focus on creating a positive energy by admitting his wrong-doings. Although a great story line and plot followed, I couldn't help but see the "blaming" of his past as a significant problem. If the man had sat still and continued to place the "bad luck, bad karma" card on his current misfortunes the story would not have ended as it did.

Looking into our past and finding those times when we or others acted in a way that hurt, whether intended or not, we must remember to accept or place responsibility, learn from our experience, and make every possible attempt to offer or accept forgiveness. If we only use the experience as a anchor, a place where we can "dump" all blame, we have not learned or forgiven anything. Even if we make amends, we can not move forward if we continue to blame our or someone else's past actions for our current state.

Whether good or bad, our past is littered with our experiences. A balanced life is not about collecting our good and bad moments, emotions, or such and seeing that we have obtained a pretty close score. A balanced and healthy life is found when we live each moment, gather and store the fruits of those moments, and utilize those experiences to be a more positive, loving person in our present and future moments. We do this by knowing how we feel about these experiences, make peace with those we interacted with, and apply the lessons learned in the NOW.

Finding yourself in the same situation, or in the same relationship over and over again... is a reflection of NOT applying the past lesson in the moment. Source will surely keep sending us the same old same until we "get it" and apply it. Its that simple.

Before I start rambling about positive attitude, actions, etc "rippling" into larger positive experiences, I will push the post button... Like I wrote above, this movie had a multitude of lessons in it. The Ripple Effect is much much more than simply a ripple...

Bingo!!!

I am constantly on the look out for patterns... When I hear and see so many being challenged by similar experiences, I know their lesson is about to become mine too. I can almost hear the word BINGO shouted when I "see" what source as been showing me through the lives of my clients....

Lately, I have noticed the theme of many of the moments I have been privileged to be a part of have held many lessons on letting go in a positive, joyful way. Granted it is sometimes difficult to see the good in a relationship that is ending, whether its a love partnership or your employer. But in the end, if we can find the courage to accept our own perceptions as truth, we can release our attachments with ease.

The best guidance I have ever received is to focus on what was good, appreciate the memory of those moments, and remember the love or care I felt at the time. We should not allow our fears and back looking doubts to diminish or overshadow OUR truth of what we ourselves experienced. Accepting that change has occurred, that our relationship is no longer a positive experience and letting go with love and appreciation allows each of us to move forward.

Many times we find ourselves caught up in the fear and doubt of change. We cling to what we know, and insist that others see from our perspective. We question others actions, their feelings and their very thoughts in an unending quest to determine if our past experiences were REAL or simply a fabrication to take from or use us in some way. All to often we find ourselves feeling as if we have been made a fool, it sparks anger and a resolve to punish the other party.

In essence we are reacting in the one way that will push our sense of peace and self to very farthest point out side of our grasp. It is in accepting that there was good, that there still is good in the other person, and that some aspect of your love still remains for them, that you are able to separate and move forward in peace, with a much clearer sense and respect for not only self but the other party.

It isn't necessary to win, it isn't necessary to be right... but to walk in peace, it is necessary to always strive to come from a place of love in our interactions with others.

Today, if your mind is circling in upon itself over an ended relationship, and you cannot find peace... look inside, look towards the good memories and wish the other party the happiness you felt at that moment.... Banish your fear and doubt with appreciation and acceptance. Change happens for one reason only, it is up to us to choose how we perceive it... Your next moment is waiting to be filled with amazing new experiences, if you'll let it.